...to the point where I want to cry.
All of the criticism I get from other girls upset me because they just don't get it. To them it looks like I'm letting myself go, that may be the case because all I do is wear buns and ponytails because it's getting to be a serious task that needs more time than I have for it. Just yesterday a girl, who is natural, said to me "You've been looking a mess this year. What happened to your hair? Where'd it go" so on and so forth. I actually cut my hair above my collar bone April of 2009 and I'm not sure she knew that but the fact that she basically told me I looked a mess hurt me just a little. But I didn't let her know that I was transitioning. It's just been really hard. High school is cruel.
I've had long hair since I was little until I cut it Freshman year and every year since and it got shorter each time. In middle school I was "The black girl with long hair." It's just hard for me to imagine myself with very little hair after the BC.
During my whole transition, about 7 months, I didn't use heat on my hair because I was scared of heat damage early on. Last night I was looking at pictures of girls on Facebook and they all had long hair, some weaves, but seeing that made me feel like they were better than I was. I caved in and flat ironed my hair to show people that I really do have long hair. They don't understand that the natural hair is curly and causes my hair to appear shorter than it is.
At school today I got so many compliments on my hair, "It's so long.", "It's so pretty." It discouraged me to hear that because although that's what I wanted to show people, it also made me think that I wasn't pretty otherwise and it made me want to keep my long hair and relax it.
Here are a few length shots:
Also you can see how much my hair has grown over the past year because you can see where my highlights start. I cut my hair above collar bone and got highlights April 16th, 2009. So yeah...great growth.
This journey essentially is a struggle with myself and I feel as though I'm all alone in it.
a lot of people will not understand but you will see that once you cut your hair you will feel a lot better! I myself could not maintain transitioning so I put my hair in braids and weave! That started getting expensive so I said to hell with it and people's expectations! The first day I wore my hair to work everyone said that I chopped off all my hair and forgot to do it that day?? I was so SHOCKED because I felt like I had been GROWING my hair not chopping it off! I am about seven eight months since I have had a perm and my hair is long enough to blow out and then twist and do a twist out! Maybe cutting the hair will help you? If not I encourage trying some transitioning styles like two strand twists and curling the ends with rollers...just some thoughts...if you ever need a pick me up let me know =]] Us naturals have to stay together and we all have times where we questions our decisions but I'd rather have different hair that is healthy than yucky hair that looks like everyone else! Also I think buns are cute =]] good luck with your journey!!
ReplyDeleteah youre not alone!
ReplyDeletetransitioning was a hard time for me. It took me a year to grow my hair to a length I was happy at and then still it was cut quite short. And then after that it was more hard work! I had to learn how to look after natural hair all by myself. But with these sort of sites and online communities i managed to self teach myself how to look after my hair.
Dont get me wrong I still have dilemmas and times when I'm just stuck! like now. But you gotsa remember just be patient and keep looking after you hair. You have lovely hair !
dont cut your hair..you will miss it...
ReplyDeleteoh love this is a feeling we all go through as naturals its like sometimes I would get so overwhelmed by it all i just through a long straight wig on and there here comes the oh your so prettys and im like whatever were you just not the chick yesterday saying how nappy my hair was?Like honestly there is so much freedom in the BC you feel refreshed!! just remember this is how God made you dont let anyone make you feel inferior!!!
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