...to the point where I want to cry.
All of the criticism I get from other girls upset me because they just don't get it. To them it looks like I'm letting myself go, that may be the case because all I do is wear buns and ponytails because it's getting to be a serious task that needs more time than I have for it. Just yesterday a girl, who is natural, said to me "You've been looking a mess this year. What happened to your hair? Where'd it go" so on and so forth. I actually cut my hair above my collar bone April of 2009 and I'm not sure she knew that but the fact that she basically told me I looked a mess hurt me just a little. But I didn't let her know that I was transitioning. It's just been really hard. High school is cruel.
I've had long hair since I was little until I cut it Freshman year and every year since and it got shorter each time. In middle school I was "The black girl with long hair." It's just hard for me to imagine myself with very little hair after the BC.
During my whole transition, about 7 months, I didn't use heat on my hair because I was scared of heat damage early on. Last night I was looking at pictures of girls on Facebook and they all had long hair, some weaves, but seeing that made me feel like they were better than I was. I caved in and flat ironed my hair to show people that I really do have long hair. They don't understand that the natural hair is curly and causes my hair to appear shorter than it is.
At school today I got so many compliments on my hair, "It's so long.", "It's so pretty." It discouraged me to hear that because although that's what I wanted to show people, it also made me think that I wasn't pretty otherwise and it made me want to keep my long hair and relax it.
Here are a few length shots:
Also you can see how much my hair has grown over the past year because you can see where my highlights start. I cut my hair above collar bone and got highlights April 16th, 2009. So yeah...great growth.
This journey essentially is a struggle with myself and I feel as though I'm all alone in it.